would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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