He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
