I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
