Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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