nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
