The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
