So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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