You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
