and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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