did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
