so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
