weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize