dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
