I love watching others lives come down to our level.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
