The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
