Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(510): View more from California

just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?

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(310): View more from California

thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

(1-310): View more from California

you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

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(214): View more from Texas

Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good

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(720): View more from Colorado

Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.

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(315): View more from New York

i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.

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