how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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