i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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