the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
