The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
