VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
