My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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