His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.