Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....