the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i black out too much to be "responsible"