oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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