if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
