Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
