dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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