I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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