I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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