new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
