I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
