Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
