My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
