i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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