we have pet lesbian snakes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
