Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
