bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
