I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
