Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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