Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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