ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
