i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize