Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
