I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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