i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
