It's Friday. Sex?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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