We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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