you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
