we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
