my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
