Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Barsexuality is the new black.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
