i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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