even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
