my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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