i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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