sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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