Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
