My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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