Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize