someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
