I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
